Cars Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? A: So the cops can find the handles.

You might be a redneck if...
Your 'huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

a blonde and a brunette were driving down the highway on a saturday afternoon. the brunette was driving and the blonde was in the passengers seat, as they were driving the brunette said watch behind us to make sure there arent any police men with thier lights on behind us. so they went along and about 30 mins later the brunette said are there any police cars? the blonde replied, "
yes one right behind us"
. "
are thier lights on?"
asked the brunette. the blonde thought for a while and replied "
yes, no, yes no, yes, no, yes, no( etc.)

Two men get into a terrible car accident. Both cars are totaled, but amazingly, neither man is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, one man says to the other "There's nothing left of our cars, but at least we weren't injured. This must be a sign from God that we were meant to meet, be friends, and live together in peace the rest of our lives."

The other man replies, "I totally agree with you. This must be a sign from God."

"And look at this," continues the first man, "It's another miracle. My car was completely destroyed but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink the wine to celebrate our good fortune!"

He hands the bottle to the other man, who promptly takes a few big gulps and hands the bottle back. The man takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on.

The other man asks, "Aren't you going to have a drink?"

"No, I think I'll more...

Degrees (Fahrenheit)
* 65 degrees:
Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night
* 60 degrees:
Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
* 50 degrees:
Miami residents turn on the heat
* 45 degrees:
Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
* 40 degrees:
You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
* 35 degrees:
Italian cars don't start
* 32 degrees:
Water freezes
* 30 degrees:
You plan your vacation to Australia
* 25 degrees:
Ohio water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
* 20 degrees:
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
* 15 degrees:
French cars don't start
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* 10 degrees:
You need jumper cables to get the car going
* 5 degrees:
American cars more...

This wonderful example of international humor was posted on the listserv list INDIA-D:
By the way, for we people (from India) who were born and brought up in the wrong side of the world, doing things in the wrong way has become a way of life.
For example,
In India we drive on the wrong side of the road. Even the cars we produce or drive have steering wheels on the wrong side.
We pronounce 'Z' as "Jed" instead of "Zee".
We meekly accepted MKS (Meter, Kilogram, Second) system like the rest of the world while America proudly stuck to the FPS system.
We use Lakhs & Crores while they use millions & billions.
We dumbly use Celsius while they use Fahrenheit (Cool!).
We play football only using foot. (How restricting! We lack imagination...)
In restaurants we ask for a bill and pay it with a cheque unlike here where they ask for check and pay it with a bill (Dollar bill).
I never realised '#' was the right symbol for pound instead of more...

Degrees (Fahrenheit)* 65 degrees:Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night* 60 degrees:Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)* 50 degrees:Miami residents turn on the heat* 45 degrees:Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts* 40 degrees:You can see your breathCalifornians shiver uncontrollablyMinnesotans go swimming* 35 degrees:Italian cars don't start* 32 degrees:Water freezes* 30 degrees:You plan your vacation to Australia* 25 degrees:Ohio water freezesCalifornians weep pitiablyMinnesotans eat ice creamCanadians go swimming* 20 degrees:Politicians begin to talk about the homelessNew York City water freezesMiami residents plan vacation further South* 15 degrees:French cars don't startCat insists on sleeping in your bed with you* 10 degrees:You need jumper cables to get the car going* 5 degrees:American cars don't start* 0 degrees:Alaskans put on T-shirts* -10 degrees:German cars don't startEyes freeze shut when you blink* -15 degrees:You can cut your breath and use it to more...