Cane Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was riding the subway this morning when I noticed a young woman got on. She was physically challenged and needed a cane to walk. The car was pretty full and I was standing nearby as she struggled to take her place among the commuters.
I watched the people that had seats stare at this woman. Yet, nobody got up so she could sit down. One girl, after watching this lady wrestle with her cane, closed her eyes and pulled the old "I'm sleeping so I can't see you" gambit.
At that point I couldn't take it any more. So I walked over, kicked out her cane and screamed down at her. "How dare you make us all uncomfortable with your affliction!" I yelled. "Do you think your withered leg makes you better than us? Because it DOESN'T!"
Hey, that's just the kind of guy I am. Any one of you would have done the same.

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who`s used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.

What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.

Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this more...

There was this guy who really took care of his body, he lifted weights and jogged six miles everyday. One morning he was admiring himself in the mirror and noticed he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis which he readily decided to do something about.
He went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis which he left sticking out.
Two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one was using a cane.
Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with the cane. She said to her companion "There really is no justice in the world!"
Her companion replied "What do you mean?" The little old lady said "Look at that:
When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
And now that more...

There was a little old man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis. He decided to do something about it. So he went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand except for his penis. Just then two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this "thing" sticking out of the sand, she began to move it about with her cane. She remarked to the other little old lady,"There ain't hardly no justice in this world." The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?" "Well," the first lady said, "When I was 20, I was curious about it." When I was 30, I enjoyed it." When I was 40, I asked for it." When I was 50, I paid for it." When I was 60, I prayed for more...

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who’s used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated.
You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood, which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten-foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so more...

A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."

Why do teachers use a bamboo cane? Because when the cane goes' bam' the child goes boo!