Canada Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to more...

Two old boys from Arkansas loved to fish and wanted to do some ice fishing. When they heard about it up in Canada, they decided to go up there. Just before getting to the frozen lake, they stopped at a little bait shop and got all their tackle.
"We're going to need an ice pick," one of them said. So, they got that and headed on to the lake. After a couple of hours, one of them returned to the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."
The fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but didn't. He sold him the ice picks and the old boy returned to the lake.
An hour later, the old boy was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."
The man in the bait shop couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," replied the old boy. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."

There were 3 men who wanted to buy toilets. So they went to the nearest store and were looking at the new designs of the toilets.
The first guy asks for a toilet that would go nice in his log cabin out in the woods. So the salesman gives him a toilet made of wood.
The second guy asks for a toilet that would be nice for an igloo. So the salesman givse him a toilet made of ice.
The third guy asked for the nicest toilet they have that would go in the National History of Canada Museums employee restroom. So the salesman gives him a singing toilet with a picture of the Canadian flag on the tank.
Well they all get what they ask for.
The next day all 3 men come back with their toilets.
The first man says, "This toilet sucks. Whenever I try to use it I get pieces of wood stuck in my butt."
The second man says, "This toilet sucks. Whenever I try to use it my butt gets frozen to the seat and I have to use a hairdryer to get my butt off."
The more...

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or more...

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total," saidthe genie. The Canadian said, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan. George W. Bush, said, "I'm very curious, please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable." George W. more...

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
Uncle Sam (a former civil engineer) asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or more...

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165, 000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much money.
"I make bets" the little old lady said.
"What kind of bets?" asked the bank president.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square."
"That's an absurd bet!"
"Well, will you take it?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25, more...