Canada Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when….
You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think more...

An Irishman goes into a pub and orders 3 cold Guinnesses. The Barman gives him the three drinks which the man drinks one after another. The following week, exactly the same thing happens and being a bit curious, the barman told the Irishman that there was no need to order three at a go as he would gladly serve him one at a time. The Irishman told him that he did not understand. He had a brother in Canada and another in New York and that every Friday all three had a toast to each other. His brothers were doing the same in Canada and New York.
This went on for a few weeks and one Friday the Irishman ordered only two Guinnesses. "Oh!" said the barman. "I'm sorry to think one of your brother might have passed away".
"No, no, that's not it" said the Irishman. "I quit drinking last week".

Canada Bill Jones's Motto: It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Canada Bill Jones's Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland. Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that`s three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I`m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it`s about 15, 000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- more...

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada. "You know," said one of the explorers, "we should name this place were hiking through." "I know," said the second explorer. "Well each pick a letter and then make a name out of that." "Okay," said the third, "Ill go first. C, eh." "N, eh." "D, eh." And thats how they named Canada...