Canada Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada and started to chew it. He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.
Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?
Canadian: We send 'em to France to get turned into paper plates.
French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send 'em to France to get turned into picket fences. Hey, what do you do with your used crazy glue?
French man: We send it to Canada to get turned into bubble gum!

_________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO (BOULDER) ENTRANCE EXAM - FOOTBALL PLAYER VERSION Time Limit: 3 WKS 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. 3. ould you ask William Shakespeare to a) build a bridge b) sail the ocean c) lead an army or d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope? (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic (check only one) 5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters? 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately) 8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners 9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton 10. Six kings of more...

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye,' POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye,' POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan. "Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15, 000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable." more...

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total," said
the genie.
The Canadian said, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
George W. Bush, said, "I'm very curious, please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually more...

On the 7th day instead of resting God decided to make the most beautiful country on the planet. He decided to bestow it with abundant wildlife - mountain sheep, grizzly bears, salmon and other unique and amazing creatures. As a backdrop God decided that some of the most majestic mountains, creeks and rivers are required. He then decided that this place should be called Canada and that the people inhabiting this area should be called Canadians and be the envy of all nations on the planet earth.

At this point one of his angels asked "Don't you think you are being a bit generous to these Canadians?" To which God replied "No, you should see the neighbours I am giving them"

As horrified travelers watched, a Greyhound Canada bus passenger repeatedly stabbed and then decapitated a young man who was sitting and sleeping beside him.

And I thought my girlfriend was intolerant of my snoring. Off to the florist for me.

On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name.
Below is his explanation...
There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.
"You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this place we're hiking through."
"I agree," said the second explorer.
"Great idea" quipped the third explorer.
"We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."
The second said: "N, eh."
The first... "D, eh."
And now you know the story.