Caller Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

The phone rang as I was setting down to my anticipated
evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with " is
this William Wagenhoss" not sounding anything like my name, so I said who is calling?
The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber band Powered Freezer company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew William personally and why was he calling this number. I then said off to the side, "get really good pictures of the body and all the blood" then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be
receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to
testify in this murder case.
I then questioned the caller at great length as to his
name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this more...

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.

Caller: I`d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I`m sorry, there`s no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.

* * *

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: Woven? Are you sure? Caller: Yes. That`s what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

* * *

Caller: I`d like the RSPCA please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?
Caller: The living room

* * *

Caller: The water board please.
Operator: Which department?
Caller: Tap water.

* * *

Operator: How are you spelling that?
Caller: With letters.

* * *

Caller: I`d like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, more...

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway. After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."
A customer who had just received a laptop computer asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." Would this hibernate device work in the spring and summer, the caller asked.
Another caller explained she had received a gift of software on 5.25-inch diskettes, but she had only a 3.5-inch disk drive on her computer. The more...

The Technologically Challenged Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there'sstill hope: 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. 4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies. 5. A Dell more...

Caller: Finally! I got through! Ive been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

From The Gloucester Citizen: A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialing an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan" the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."

From The Guardian: After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30-year-old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to "Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist Bastards". The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name.

Phreakers, or' phone hackers, managed to break into the telephone system of' Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to' Hello, you fat bastard'.

From the Churchdown Parish Magazine: Would the Congregation please note that the more...