Caller Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked more...
Jerks by Patrick Hanifin (Reproduced without permission from the Humor Archives)
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found
the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly
the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided
to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung
up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of
weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then
I'd more...
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Rightnow, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name
It was a musical program on Hiru FM. Two famous sinhala songs were on top of the chart and it was the chance of a listener to select the winning song.
The caller was Nimal, from Mahara. The announcer asked the caller, "Haa Nimal dan kiyanda balanda oya wedipurama kemathi Samithage' Rana Hansa Yuwalatada' ehema nathnam Shashika Nisansalage' Thol pethi witharakda' kiyala.
And the listener started giggling while saying
"Hmmm samithage rana hansa yuwalata thamai mama wediyenma kemathi, habai shashikage thol pethith naraka naha!", and the program quickly switched to a commercial break. ...: -
Computer Stories from a Field Service Engineer
When I worked for a company that had a contract with 3M, 3M had asked me
to write them a memo describing why we were having problems with diskette
failures. I said in the memo that the disks were failing due to head
crashes. "If the customers would just clean their heads periodically, we
wouldn't have these problems," I said in the memo. One customer responded
with "What kind of shampoo do you recommend?"
An end-user hotline received a call about a bad software disk. They asked
the customer to make a copy of the disk and mail it in to the hotline.
A few days later, they received a letter with a mimeographed copy of
the disk. Since it was a double-sided disk, both sides of the disk
had been xeroxed.
A Computer Operator says as she is lifting an RP06 disk pack from the drive:
"Gee, how much does one of these weigh?"
Me: "It depends on how much data is more...
The following are actual phone calls made to I. R. S. offices across the United States.
Caller: I want to know if I should file married or single.
IRS: Are you married?
Caller: Well, sort of...
IRS: What?
Caller: Well, we did get married, but we`re not counting on it.
Caller: I got a letter from you guys and I want to know what you want.
IRS: What does it say?
Caller: Just a minute, I`ll open it.
Caller: I`m a bookkeeper and I need to know if ten $100 bills make a thousand dollars or only ten hundred dollars.
IRS: Both. It`s the same amount.
Caller: So why do I get a different answer every time I move the decimal point?
Caller: What does the law say about people who are renting to relatives and taking a loss on the property?
IRS: You are required to charge them fair market value.
Caller: It`s very fair. If we rented to someone else we could get a lot more.
The Technologically Challenged Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there'sstill hope:1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.5. A Dell more...