Cafeteria Jokes / Recent Jokes

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching."Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching."
Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies...
One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a 'long' little doggie!" Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want." Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet." Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12" A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow." Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong)." Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." Sign in a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends." Sign in school: "In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended."

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: "Get a `long` little doggie!"

Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want."

Sign on a music library's door: "Bach in a minuet."

Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12"

A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow."

Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50, 000 flies can't be wrong)."

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Sign in a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

Sign in school: "In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling concerning prayer more...

These are actual signs found around the world...
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A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.
At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.
At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?
At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents?
At an optometrist's more...

What do you call an unemployed jester?. .. Nobody's fool. Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf -- Because for them, it's too much like their work -- you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another. Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single." Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push. .. Push. .. Push!"Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager." Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further." Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scornto smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams. If a tree falls in a forest, and hits a mime, does anybody say more...

Absent
(n) The notation generally following your name in a class record.
Admissions Office
(n) Where they take you to get you to admit you've
mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend."
Anatomy
(n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until
you find out what it REALLY involves.
Biology
(n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
Book
(n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay
awake long enough to read the night before finals.
Bookbag
(n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum,
combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos,
sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally) books.
Cafeteria
(n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to eat") and "teria" ("to wretch").
Caffeine
(n) One of the four basic food groups.
Call
(v) What you can't do because your more...