Cafeteria Jokes / Recent Jokes
* Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming. * In a dry cleaner’s emporium: Drop your pants here. * On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left. ” * In a veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! * At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be. * In a Beauty Shop: Dye now! * In a restaurant window: Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up. * Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop. * In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE... God is watching."
Further along the line, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: "Take all you want... God is watching the apples."
When the power went off at the elementary school, the cook couldn't serve a hot meal in the cafeteria. She had to feed the children something, so at the last minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches.As one little boy filled his plate, he said, "It's about time. At last -- a home cooked meal!"
How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb? "Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up."
THE LIFE OF A COMPUTER ANALYST (Long but VERY Funny!) Monday ------ 8: 05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let these people vote and drive, too? 8: 12am Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer... 8: 14 am User from 8: 05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11: 00 am Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she more...
A doctor dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates and checks him in. After he's registered, St. Peter says to him, "Look at the time: you must be hungry! Heaven Cafeteria is serving lunch, why don't you get yourself something to eat?"
The doctor goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. He immediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. "I'm a doctor" he says, "I'm a busy man, I don't have time to wait in line."
The others say, "You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!"
A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the doctor notices a man come dashing in wearing scrubs and a lab coat, stethoscope around his neck. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep. "Hey," he says to the guy in front of him, "Who does that guy think he is?"
"Oh, that's God," says the guy, "He more...
Q: Why did Michael Jackson get kicked out of the school cafeteria?
A: Because he ate all the kids' wieners.