Buddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled,' 'Pull, Nellie, pull!'' Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered,' 'Pull, Buster, pull!'' Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded,' 'Pull, Coco, pull!'' Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said,' 'Pull, Buddy, pull!'' And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said,' 'Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!''

There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ''I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said.
''I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink,'' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, ''I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.
The thrid string says ''Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink'' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ''You a more...

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog."The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
He answers, "Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too."The man at the door says, "Come on in."The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts more...

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"
"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.

3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.

4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. If you are male and see a female in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.

8. If you are female and you see a male in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he'd IM you.

9. You don't understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the "real" world is at your fingertips.

10. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

11. When you have sex, more...

It was New Year's Eve. .. by then, actually, it was very early on New Year's morning. The drunk staggered out of the men's room and wobbled his way to the bar.

"I, uh, lll..., I'll ha-have anudder. Maske itta dubble." The bartender looks him over and notices the vomit staining the front of the drunk's sharp looking suit. "Buddy, it looks to me like you've had quite enough. Why don't you call it a night and go home."

The drunk protests... "N-n-no! I ca-can't. My, my wife, you, you see... She gammie this new shoot for Chrishmash. Iff she seez what Ife done to it... She, she's gunna kill m-me. Juss gimmie a doubble..."

"Tell you what," the bartender says. "You got any 20 dollar bills on you?"

The drunk pulls out his wallet and thumbs through and replies... "Y-yeah, I got a few...." The bartender takes one of the twenties and stuffs it in the shirt pocket of the poor drunk. "There more...

Some reasons that it's great to be a guy:
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every picture of somebody crying.
All your orgasms are real.
You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of more...