Bright Jokes / Recent Jokes

What weighs 4 tons and is bright red? An elephant holding its breath!

Why did the teacher have to put on her glasses during class?
Because the kids were to bright!

See my halo bright and shiny, but mess with me and I'll kick your hiney.

Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright
In the driveway of the night
What small Swedish hand or wrist
With a three-wood your head kissed?

What the anger, what the fire
Was so stoked by the Enquirer?
Twas there motive, twas there goal?
Did you play an extra hole?

Couldst thou not appease her
After bedding a skeezer?
Was your mom of no aid, though
Batt’ling that white tornado?

Were you chased from hearth and home
A golf club aimed at your dome?
Did the instinct come to pass
“My caddy will save my ass”?

When Elin did swing her club
Did you cower like a cub?
Did you know she’d hit a ton
And put you on the green in one?

When the impact made a thud
Wat’ring the lawn with your blood
Did she smile her work to see?
And did the pain make you pee?

And as neighbors heard your snores
Did you dream about your whores?
Complete defeat, more...

TEACHER:' What is the scientific formula for water?'
Bright pupil:' H. I. J. K. L. M. N. O.'
Teacher:' Nonsense! How did you arrive at that?'
Bright pupil:' Auntie, it is H to O (H2O)!'

This was written by William Keaton, and originally published in "MIND", the newsletter of Indianapolis Mensa beck in 1993. It was reprinted in the national (American) "Mensa Bulletin" this month. And now, with the usual apologies to Clement Moore. ..' Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a computer was stirring, not even a mouse.
The hard drives were left on in each computer case
With a database for Santa, punched up in dBase.
The hackers were all snug asleep in their beds,
While visions of access codes danced in their heads.
And I with my PC and Ma with her Mac,
Had settled in for a long winter's nap.
When up from my modem there arose such a squeal,
I jumped from my bed and said, "What's the deal!!?!?"
To my computer I tore like a flash,
Hoping I wasn't suffering a Christmas Eve Crash.
A flashing green light on the front of my case,
Showed late-night activity (I more...

About as bright as a four watt bulb
As intelligent as a lobotomized prawn
As bright as a blackout
He's not dumber than an ox, but hes not smarter