Bombed Jokes / Recent Jokes

A report earlier this year cited 45 internet café bombings in Gaza since December 1, 2006:

About 45 Internet outlets have been bombed since Dec. 1, according to figures from Gaza’s Central Police Office...“This just shows how confused these fanatics are,” said [bombed Internet Cafe owner Alaa] Al-Shawa, 27. “Even they use the Internet to circulate their statements, but they think everyone else uses it for porno.”

Imagine: There you are, just minding your own business downloading bomb recipes and beheading videos--and boom! How is a person supposed to concentrate on becoming a jihadist with these constant disruptions?

And here was a Thursday news item from Gaza:

An explosion ripped through a car east of Gaza City late Thursday, witnesses said, and hospital officials said one person was killed and another was seriously wounded...Some blasts that do not involve the military are caused by explosive devices intended for use against Israel that more...

Chapter 3: Glossary of Comedy Terms
Here is some fancy industry talk you should memorize.


I Killed: I bombed

I Died:I bombed

I Slated Them: I bombed

Rolling in the Aisles: I bombed so bad, they literally threw shit at me.

Doing Filler: I ran out of material and winged it by pretending to fuck a stool and still bombed.

Over their Heads: No one understood how clever my observations on the differences between white people and black people were and I bombed.

Doing Panel: Sitting next to Johnny Carson trying to disguise your material as chit-chat and bombing.

Gig: A non-paying job

Setup: The explaining part of a joke (should be as long as possible)

Punch: Optional

I crushed: I bombed in front of a hundred or more people

Blue Material: Talking about sex and/or your dick. (Note: Works especially well if you're a minority or from Long Island.)

Mike Too Hot: Volume so more...

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of=here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same, " replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."