Blogs Jokes / Recent Jokes
I read the news today (oh boy!) that Pluto is no longer an official planet. After years of being one of the planetary gang, followed by additional years of contentious debate by astronomers who seem to have nothing better to do with their time, Pluto was (to paraphrase the slogan of a tiresome reality show) voted off the universe.
Honestly, I always loved Pluto as a planet. Being the smallest of the bunch and the furthest from the Sun, Pluto always seemed like the plucky underdog of the heavens. In fact, no one even knew it was there until 1930 – and it took an amateur astronomer to find it, no less (all of the so-called professionals didn’t even know it was there). Plus, it moved to its own drumbeat: rather than run in parallel orbit with the other planets, it had the audacity to cut off Neptune and muscle in on its orbital path.
I can also sympathize with Pluto for being told it’s not good enough to belong. Hell, I think everyone’s been in a situation like more...
You've heard about the highly competitive behavior of type A personalities, compared to the more laid-back, personality of type Bs.
Well now I hear there is a new label- Type D's. They are people who display constant hostility, anxiety, anger, and depression.
Type D personality? Didn't we used to have a better name for this kind of person? I think the term was "asshole".
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll with their dogs. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.
As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend,
"Let's go over to that bar for a drink." The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Guide dog - I'm blind."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?" The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought more...
Madonna Update:
Madonna told an interviewer that, in Chichewa, the language of Malawi, the word “Madonna” means “distinguished white lady.” Which is funny because, in English, Madonna means “pretentious white lady from Detroit who speaks in an inexplicable British accent.”
Madonna was on Oprah to defend her controversial adoption of a young African boy. She’s really getting crucified. Oh yeah, that’s her act.
When they air her concert, NBC will not show Madonna suspended from a giant cross and wearing a crown of thorns so as not to anger Christian groups. She was going to wear a turban with a bomb in it, but for some reason they vetoed that too.
The father of the African boy Madonna hopes to adopt says he's worried she’ll back out of the adoption because activist groups are giving her such a hard time. He now says the adoption will rescue his son from illness and starvation. Maybe Madonna should adopt Nicole more...
The Fox network plans to air an interview called "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," in which O.J. tells "how he would have committed" the murders of his ex-wife and her friend. It will be followed by a special called, “Fox: If We Had No Class, Here’s What We’d Air.”
Canadian courts have given two Toronto college professors the right to smoke medical marijuana at school. Matthew McConaughey and Willie Nelson are enrolling in the PhD program.
To encourage their pandas to breed in captivity, a zoo in Thailand will play porn videos for the male bear. Members of Congress and top evangelical leaders have been asked to donate their collections.
U.S. intelligence officials believe Fidel Castro has terminal stomach, colon, or pancreatic cancer. In recent photos, Castro is seen wearing a warm-up jacket the CIA says is loose enough to hide a colostomy bag or weapons of mass destruction.
More than 700 people on a more...