Biblical Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Top 16 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife
16. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - Deuteronomy 21
15. Find a prostitute and marry her. - Hosea (Hosea 1)
14. Find a woman with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.. - Moses (Exodus 2)
13. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4)
12. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21)
11. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. - Adam (Genesis 2)
10. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. - Jacob (Genesis 29)
9. Cut off 50 foreskins off more...

Top 10 Sayings of Biblical Mothers
10. Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been!
9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! I told you never to play with fire!
6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes!
3. James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder!

2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?!
1. Jesus! Stop working on that old wood and come in and eat! You'd spend your life on that wood, if your father asked you to!

A nice girl brings home her fiance to meet her parents.
After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiance to his study for a chat.
"So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiance.
"I am a Biblical scholar," he replies.
"A Biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "...and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?"
"I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us."
"And children? How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide."
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, "So? How did it more...

The Top 16 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife16. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - Deuteronomy 2115. Find a prostitute and marry her. - Hosea (Hosea 1)14. Find a woman with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.. - Moses (Exodus 2)13. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4)12. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21)11. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. - Adam (Genesis 2)10. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. - Jacob (Genesis 29)9. Cut off 50 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies more...

The Top 16 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife16. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - Deuteronomy 2115. Find a prostitute and marry her. - Hosea (Hosea 1)14. Find a woman with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.. - Moses (Exodus 2)13. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4)12. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21)11. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. - Adam (Genesis 2)10. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. - Jacob (Genesis 29)9. Cut off 50 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies more...