Beating Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wife-Whenever I Sing Why Do You Look Outside? Husband-So That People Don't Think I Am Beating You

Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Tube All Of Life's Mysteries Are On TV If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of you sweetheart more...

Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds.
God wanted to know three things: "Who are you? What did you do? What did people think of you?"
The first coach said, "I'm Joe Paterno. I coached Penn State from 1966 to 2000. I won 300 games, 19 bowl victories, 2 national championships, and won Coach of the Year 4 times. The people of Pennsylvania think I'm great."
God said, "Fine, Joe, stand at my right side."
The next person said, "I'm Bobby Bowden. I coached Florida State University from 1980 to 2000. I had a. 816 win percentage, played in 14 bowl games without a loss and won a national championship after beating Nebraska. The people of Florida think I'm great."
God said, "Fine, Bobby, stand at my left side."
The third coach stood more...

A man is in court for murder and the judge says "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
Then a voice at the back of the court says, "You bastard!"
Then the judge continues, "you are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again the voice at the back of the court says, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "Now, we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt of court. Now, what is the problem?"
The man at the back of the court replies, "Fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer he said he never had one!"

A man was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You bastard!"
The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a hammer."
Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You damn bastard!"
The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you, or I shall charge you with contempt! Now is that a problem?"
The man at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he never had one!"

Three college football coaches were
flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three
died.
They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God
motioned
for one of them to come into the clouds.
God
wanted to know three things: "Who are you? What did you do? What
did
people think of you?"
The first coach said, "I'm Joe Paterno. I
coached Penn State from
1966 to 2000. I won 300 games, 19 bowl
victories, 2 national
championships, and won Coach of the Year 4 times.
The people of Pennsylvania think
I'm great."
God said,
"Fine, Joe, stand at my right side."
The next person said, "I'm
Bobby Bowden. I coached Florida State
University from 1980 to 2000.
I had a. 816 win percentage, played in 14
bowl games without a loss
and won a national championship after beating
Nebraska. The people
of Florida think more...

Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and all three died. They all noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for one of them to come into the clouds. God wanted to know three things: "Who are you? What did you do? What did people think of you?" The first coach said, "I'm Joe Paterno. I coached Penn State from 1966 to 2000. I won 300 games, 19 bowl victories, 2 national championships, and won Coach of the Year 4 times. The people of Pennsylvania think I'm great." God said, "Fine, Joe, stand at my right side." The next person said, "I'm Bobby Bowden. I coached Florida State University from 1980 to 2000. I had a. 816 win percentage, played in 14 bowl games without a loss and won a national championship after beating Nebraska. The people of Florida think I'm great." God said, "Fine, Bobby, stan d at my left side." The third coach stood before God and said, "I'm more...