Bassists Jokes / Recent Jokes

The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.

After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey! We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion. more...

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!""No need to panic," said a fellow bassist, "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion."Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the more...

Bassists are not terribly smart. The best bassists come to terms with their limitations by playing simple lines and rarely soloing.
During the better musical moments, a bassist will pull his strings hard and grunt like an animal. Bass players are built big, with paws for hands, and they are always bent over awkwardly. If you talk to the bassist during a break, you will not be able to tell whether or not he's listening.

Quite a number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 under the baton of Milton Katims. Now at this point, you must understand two things:
1. There's a quite long segment in this symphony where the basses don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.
2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

It had been decided that during this performance, once the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the symphony, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage, rather than sit on thier stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes.
Once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews. When they got there, a European nobleman recognized that they were musicians, and bought them several rounds of drinks. Two of the bassists passed out, and the more...

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first

Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric light.

Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: "I've got a candle that looks just like it."

Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Lightbulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent, candles-anything you want.

Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Oh, just one. But this bulb won't do. You want to use a 3-way bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month GE will be coming out. ... "

Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a more...