Babies Jokes / Recent Jokes
The head doctor at the hospital was making his rounds and he paused before a group of newborn babies.
"What's the matter with this little fellow," he asked. "He seems awfully puny and underweight."
"He's one of those artificial insemination babies," said the sweet young nurse, "and he's been coming along rather slowly, I'm afraid."
"Confirms a pet theory of mine," said the doctor, with a twinkle in his eye. "Spare the rod and spoil the child."
Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mommy asks.
"Yes," replies her daughter.
"Do you still have any questions?"
"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"
"In exactly the same way as with babies."
"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a
train.
Along came this woman seeing the two cute babies started asking the
man,"Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know."
The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?"
The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."
The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are
you?"
The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman
and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company."
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!! Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?" I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" My son demanded." But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can more...
Veterinarians have evening hours.
Your kitten won't be able to disturb the whole movie with its crying. Hell, you don't even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don't, you don't even have to worry about whether or not the sitter is available tonight.
Your kitten won't grow out of those cute but expensive clothes within three months.
Kittens look cute if they haven't had a bath in a month.
You probably don't have to lie awake nights wondering how you're going to finance your kitten's college education.
No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don't want to breast feed your kitten.
No one will accuse you of perversion or sexual abuse if you fondle your kitten.
Dan Quayle can't accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of the country if you aren't married to the father of your kitten. In fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is.
No one will question your abilities to function normally at your job when they hear more...
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. "Mother, where do babies come from? " The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend. "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? " "Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."
Jewelry "A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter more...