Babies Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Q. What's easier to unload, a truck of ping pong balls, or a truck full of dead babies?
A. Dead babies, you can use a pitchfork.

Q. What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?
A. I take my shoes of to jump on a trampoline

Q. What's worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?
A. One dead baby nailed to 10 trees

Q. What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
A. I don't have a Porsche in my garage

Some of the replies given by a group of five to seven year olds from New York State who were asked, "How are babies made?"
"Mom makes babies with Dr. Roberts. I dunno how they do it."
"If a man and a woman love each other very, very much, the woman will grow a baby inside her body."
"Dad has a carrot that he plants in Mom's cabbage patch. About a year later the baby has been grown."
"Mom collects the babies from the hospital where they are born somehow."
"Mom takes a pill every day and it's a baby pill. It makes a baby grow inside her tummy. When it's one year old it comes out of her and cries."
"Mom and Dad are happy together and then a baby comes along."
"The father gives the mother plenty of money. If he gives her enough, she goes out and gets a baby."
"To have a baby you go on a special diet and eat spinach and coal and stuff. Then you get real fat and that's the more...

Kind of long, but it will give you a good laugh!!

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush
burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do."Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having more...

A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy.Her husband isn't there, and she doesn't wantto name them without him seeing them first. Butthe hospital insists that the babies must benamed by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louieoverhears this and he names them (unbeknowst tothe couple). Later the husband arrives, and thehappy couple are set to name the babies when anurse informs them that Uncle Louie already tookcare of that. "Oh no!" they cry. "He's crazy anddoesn't know what he's doing. What names did hepick?" The nurse says, "Well, he named the girlDeniece." "Whew, not bad. In fact, that's nice.And how about the boy?" "Denephew."

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?"