Awake Jokes / Recent Jokes

Taught by women, for men. 101
Combating Stupidity 102
You Too Can Do Housework 103
P.M.S. – Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut 104
How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray 105
We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas –
Give Us Money 106
Understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk
At 4 AM 107
Wonderful Laundry Techniques
(Formerly "Don't Wash My Silks") 108
Parenting – No, It Doesn't End With Conception 109
Get a Life – Learn How To Cook 110
How Not To Act Like a Butthead When You Are Obviously Wrong 111
Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right 112
Understanding Your Financial Incompetence 113
You – The Weaker Sex 114
Reasons To Give Flowers 115
How To Stay Awake After 116
Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself
Anywhere But the Bathroom 117
Garbage – Getting It To the Curb 118A
You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try 118B
The Morning Dilemma - If It's more...

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smells would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.

Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural function and then would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."

The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out." That is until one more...

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. more...

A new two year degree is being offered at Life University... Becoming a Real Man! That's right, in just six terms, you too can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline: FIRST YEARAutumn ScheduleMEN 101... Combating StupidityMEN 102... You too can do houseworkMEN 103... PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shutMEN 104... We do not want sleazy underthings for ChristmasWinter ScheduleMEN 110... Wonderful Laundry TechniquesMEN 111... Understanding the female responses to getting in at 4 a. m. MEN 112... Parenting: It doesn't end with conceptionMEN 113... Get a life, learn to cookSpring ScheduleMEN 120... How NOT to act like an asshole when you're wrongMEN 121... Understanding your incompetenceMEN 122... You, the weaker sexMEN 123... Reasons to give flowersSECOND YEARAutumn ScheduleSEX 101... You CAN fall asleep without itSEX 102... Morning Dilemma: If it's awake, take a showerMEN 201... How to stay awake after sexMEN 202... How to put the toilet seat downWinter more...

Once again, our female staff will be offering courses to men of any marital status. Classes will be limited to 10, as course material may prove to be difficult. To register please contact your nearest grade school.
Thank You
Combating Stupidity
You Too Can Do Housework
P.M.S. - Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray
We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas - Give us Money
Understanding The Female Response To Your Coming In At 4 AM
Parenting - No It Doesn't End With Conception
Get A Life - Learn How To Cook
How Not To Act Like An Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong
Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
You - The Weaker Sex
Reasons To Give Flowers
How To Stay Awake After Sex
Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself Anywhere But The Bathroom
Garbage - Getting It To The Curb
Sex 101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try
Sex more...