Attempts Jokes / Recent Jokes

What REALLY happened as the Torch made its way through our our
nation's capital:
3:15 Torch arrives at U.S. Capitol
3:30 Torch leaves U.S. Capitol, carried by Bob Dole.
5:00 One block later, Bob Dole hands off torch.
5:15 Torch enters Northeast Washington
5:16 First recorded case of "Torch-jacking" occurs.
6:00 After massive search, Torch is found in a local pawn shop and
repurchased for $25
6:15 Torch arrives at city hall. Crowd is dismayed when Marion
Barry uses it to light his crack pipe.
6:20 Barry is further embarrassed when he is stopped trying to take
the torch to the country for "spiritual renewal".
6:30 Torch heads into Northwest Washington
6:35 Torch runner falls into D.C. pothole.
6:45 Torch is recovered (runner is never found).
6:55 Torch arrives at Dupont Circle. Residents are proud to have
such a high profile "flame" in their area.
7:00 Torch runner attempts to hand off more...

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340, 000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar. The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal.""That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.""Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40, 000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice. About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?""No!" replied the blonde. "Why more...

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a frontal lobotomy.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two cases of Prozac.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three stays at the "hospital".
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four group sessions.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, five self help books.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, six restraining orders.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven counts of harrassment.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eight cries for help.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine attempts to escape.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten ripped off fingernails.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eleven body pieces.
On the twelth day of Christmas my true love gave to more...

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a frontal lobotomy.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two cases of Prozac.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three stays at the "hospital".
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four group sessions.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, five self help books.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, six restraining orders.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven counts of harrassment.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eight cries for help.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine attempts to escape.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten ripped off fingernails.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eleven body pieces.
On the twelth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
twelve more...