Stays Jokes

It's great to be a bloke because:
Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Wrinkles add character.
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice more...

This is a story about a popular young Rabbi, who on Sabbath eve, announced to his congregation that he would not renew his contract. He explained that he must move on to a larger congregation that would pay him more. There is a hush; no one wanted him to leave.
Sol Epstein, who owned several new car dealerships, stood up and proclaimde, "If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighed with appreciation and applauded.
Sam Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor, stood and said, "If the Rabbi stays here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!" More sighs and loud applause follow.
Sadie Goldfarb, age 80, stood and announced with a smile, "If the Rabbi stays, I'll give him sex!"
There is total silence. The Rabbi, blushing, asked her, "Mrs. Goldfarb, more...

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a frontal lobotomy.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two cases of Prozac.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three stays at the
"hospital".
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four group sessions.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, five self help books.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, six restraining orders.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven counts of
harassment.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eight cries for help.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine attempts to escape.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten ripped off
fingernails.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eleven body pieces.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love more...

There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who onSabbath eve announces to the congregation that he willnot renew his contract and is moving on to a largercongregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands upand announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him witha new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!"The congregation sighs, and applauds. Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says,"If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish afoundation to guarantee the college education of hischildren!!"More sighs and applause. Old Mrs. Goldfarb, aged 96, stands and announces,"If the rabbi stays, I offer SEX!!"There is a hush. The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?" Mrs. Goldfarb answers, "I just asked Mr. Goldfarb what wecould contribute to make the rabbi more...

There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who onSabbath eve announces to the congregation that he willnot renew his contract and is moving on to a largercongregation that will pay him more.There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands upand announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him witha new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!"The congregation sighs, and applauds.Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says,"If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish afoundation to guarantee the college education of hischildren!!"More sighs and applause.Old Mrs. Goldfarb, aged 96, stands and announces,"If the rabbi stays, I offer SEX!!"There is a hush. The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"Mrs. Goldfarb answers, "I just asked Mr. Goldfarb what wecould contribute to make the rabbi stay. more...