Asking Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know how young children have that special hobby of always asking "Why?" Well, one day I went to the bank to pay some bills, and my 4-year-old daughter did just so.
"Mommy, why are we coming here?"
"So mommy can pay some bills."
"Why?"
"So that we can keep our house."
"Why?"
"So that we won't have to live on the streets."
"Why?"
"Because that's what will happen if we don't pay for our house."
"Why?"
"Because that's the way it goes."
"Why?"
"Why do you keeping asking 'why?'."
"...why?"
"You're being a nuisance."
"Why?"
"Because you got that from your father."
"Why?"
"Because your father is a nuisance."
"Why?"
"I don't know, you go ask HIM and then tell me why."

So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for' Viagra'. The guy asks for a large dose of the *strongest* variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks' why, is your dick in that much pain?',' no', says the guy,' it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'

Two freshman philosophy students see the following bulletin posted on the wall of their lecture hall:

Crash Course in Logical Assumptions
Saturday, September 26, 1998, All Day


Neither of them knows what it means and they are both curious. The pair decide to find the professor and ask some questions. When they locate the professor's office, the bolder of the two enter the building while the other remains outside.

Student: "Uh... Sir.. What does Crash Course in Logical Assumptions mean?"
Professor: "Well, it involves taking information that you have, forming assumptions using logic, and then creating new information. Let me try to answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
Student: "Uh... Yes, I do."

Professor: "Well, then I can now logically assume that you drive."
Student: "Yes, I drive. "

Professor: "Then I can logically assume more...

One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence. So Janet raised her hand and said the sky is absolutely blue, the teacher said no, it is not, sometimes is black or has different colors. Another little boy raised his hand and said "the leaves on the trees are absolutely green" the teacher said no, they could be different colors at different times of the year. Little Johnny raised his hand and asked if there where lumps in farts, the teachers said no, I don't believe so. And Little Johnny said, " well then I absolutely just shit in my pants!!!!"

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling."The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money," recalls Gates. "I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a chance to make a profit without any initial monetary investment. Naturally, this man then became my competition, so I had my limo driver run over him several times."Microsoft engineers have been working around the clock to complete Gates' vision of panhandling for the 21st century."We feel that our program designers really understand how the poor and needy situation works," says Microsoft Homeless product leader Bernard Liu. "Except for the fact that they're stinking rich."Microsoft Panhandling will be automatically installed with Windows 95. At random intervals, a dialog box pops up, asking the user if they more...

After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in."
Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.
Actually answers when you ask "Who's your daddy?"
Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.
Only moans during commercial breaks.
Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.
You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show.
Beginning to think she is only "playing" dead.
During the act, she actually yelled out, "Oh, Baby, yadda, yadda, yadda!"
Has suddenly started making you pay in advance.
Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a .wav file.
Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too.
Keeps asking "Are you SURE you're not gay?"
Boredom? So that's why she keeps deflating!!
Holds up a picture of more...

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe
magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product
for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling.
"The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for
money," recalls Gates. "I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden
opportunity. Here was a chance to make a profit without any initial
monetary investment. Naturally, this man then became my competition, so I
had my limo driver run over him several times."
Microsoft engineers have been working around the clock to complete Gates'
vision of panhandling for the 21st century.
"We feel that our program designers really understand how the poor and
needy situation works," says Microsoft Homeless product leader Bernard Liu.
"Except for the fact that they're stinking rich."
Microsoft Panhandling will be automatically installed with Windows 95. more...