Arnie Jokes

Michael Jackson and Arnold Schwarzenegger are in an airplane. There are lots of kids on the plane with them.
Suddenly an engine catches fire. The plane is going to crash. Realising this, Arnie and Michael grab the only two parachutes on the plane.
"What about the kids?" asks Michael
"F**k the kids" Arnie replies
Michael thinks for a moment and says
"Do you think we have time?"

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Arnie!
Arnie who!
Arnie having fun?

Carol's husband, Arnie, was a male chauvinist. Even though they both worked full-time, he never helped around the house. Housework was a woman's work!
One evening Carol arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished.
It turns out that Arnie had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex. The night went well and the next day she told her office friends all about it.
"We had a great dinner. Arnie even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed the evening."
"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.
"Oh, that was perfect too. Arnie was too tired!"

Knock Knock Who's there! Arnie! Arnie who! Arnie having fun?

Sal and Arnie were riding the New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.

Arnie adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Sal, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a five, and gladly hands it to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him profusely and continues on to the other passengers. Arnie is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.

"What on EARTH did you do that for?" shouts Arnie. "You know he's only going to use it on booze!!!"

Sal replies, "And we weren't?"