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Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's' Cheers')
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' Can I draw you a beer, Norm? '
' No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.'
' How's a beer sound, Norm?'
' I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.'
' What's shaking, Norm?'
' All four cheeks and a couple of chins.'
' What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?'
' Going Down?'
' What's new, Normie?'
' Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're
demanding beer.'
' What'll it be, Normie?'
' Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.'
' What would you say to a beer, Normie?'
' Daddy wuvs you.'
' What'd you like, Normie?'
' A reason to live. Give me another beer.'
' What'll you have, Normie?'
' Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a
glass of whatever comes out more...
Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: Let''s try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got? Paddy: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven!
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I''ve already got one rabbit at home now!
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When she returned, she told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are wicked and 5% are good. He thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned she went to God and said, "Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95% are bad and 5% are good." God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because he wanted to encourage them. . . give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that E-mail said?
Guess you didn't get it either.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, 10 Miles.
He thinks it's a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, Next Right.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: Sisters of St. Francis.
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?".
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me."
He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, instructs, more...
Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Private dance and hotel room: $500.00
Sending her on her way without having to discuss your feelings...........Priceless
A swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with his life ingeneral. He felt as there was nothing waiting for him in this life.... .. until one day, in the breakfast table, he was reading the morning paper, when he saw an article, which would change his life. It said: "... Scientist's had found out, that somewhere in Africa, one could stillfind tribes of genuine cavemen, untouched by civilization. Only thingneeded was to find the correct cave and shout "Wohoo!!" and the tribe wouldanswer to this call." "This is it!" the swede thought. "This is what I've been waiting for! I'llsell everything I own, go to Africa, find these cavemen, and become richand famous!"And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts looking forthe tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no answer. No cavemen. Until one day, yet another cave, and another yell: "Juhuuu!!" And then heheard it! " WWOOOOUU WOOOOOO! !!! " more...