Animal Jokes / Recent Jokes
I have animal magnetism. When I go outside, squirrels are attracted to me.
What does a lion call a antelope? Fast food. Sent by jessica
Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.
There were three boys named Matt, Loco, and Shaun. One day they all join the Cub Scouts.
They are going hiking in the woods today in class, and when they got there they discovered a cave in the woods.
Shaun and Loco dared Matt to go in, so he goes in trying to look brave and he comes out saying “ooooh, god damn that felt good”
They asked him what happend, Matt said “A lady put a donut on my dick and ate it off.
Then Matt and Shaun dared Loco to go in, so he does… and the same thing happened.
Then Loco and Matt dared Shaun to go in and he comes out crying like a bitch that he is.
They ask whats wrong. Shaun (crying) says”She told me to go buy a box of Cheerios”.
Jerry is hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he's excited. He's especially thrilled because he gets to play two long solos.
After the sessions, which go great, Jerry can't wait to see the finished product. He asks the producer where and when he can catch the film. A little embarrassed, the producer explains that the music is for a porno flick that will be out in a month, and he tells Jerry where he can go to see it.
A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, goes to the theater where the picture is playing. He walks in and sits way in the back, next to an elderly couple who also seem to be disguised and hiding.
The movie starts, and it's the filthiest, most perverse porno flick ever... group sex, S&M, everything... and then, halfway through, a dog gets in on the action. Before anyone can blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women in every orifice, and most of the men.
Embarrassed, Jerry turns to the old couple and more...
A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the
hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he collided with a bear, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. His rifle went one way, and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear was charging
at him, and he couldn't move."Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish: Please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"That very instant the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet:"Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive..."