Angels Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one of them says, "I went to my parents wedding last week andwe all got rat-arsed."Being quick on the uptake the second one says, " My dad says he will marrymy mum next year."Despite this the Nun stays right where she is. In desperation the third one says, " My old man will never ever marry mymum."The Nun looks up from her food and says, " Would one of you bastards please pass the salt."

Sarah, 7: "I only know the names of two angels - Hark and Harold."
Gregory, 5: "Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it."
Olive, 9: "It's not easy to become an angel. First, you die. Then you go to heaven, then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes."
Matthew, 9: "Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else."
Mitchell, 7: "My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science."
Henry, 8: "Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!"
Jack, 6: "Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead."
Daniel, 9: "When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere more...

Once upon a time there was a flock of angels with long flowing beautiful hair. But lo and behold, due to improper eating habits and advanced age, all their hair fell out.They soon saw the light and purchased gorgeous, extravagant wigs, which were even more golden and more flowing than their original hair.One day, there came unto the angels very bad tidings. They lost their financial security and were reduced to a penniless state. In utmost misery, they fell to their knees and prayed for a solution.Suddenly, the clouds parted and a thunderous voice gave forth the following, "Hock the Hair, Old Angels."

Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat.Astonished, one of them says, "I went to my parents wedding last week andwe all got rat-arsed."Being quick on the uptake the second one says, " My dad says he will marrymy mum next year."Despite this the Nun stays right where she is.In desperation the third one says, " My old man will never ever marry mymum."The Nun looks up from her food and says, " Would one of you bastards please pass the salt."

Three Hells Angels were sitting at a table in a burger place, when a nun took a seat next to them and began to eat.
Surprised, one of them said, ""I went to my parents' wedding last week and we all got rat-arsed."
Being quick on the uptake, the second one said, "My dad says he's going to marry my mom next year."
Despite this, the nun stayed right where she was.
In desperation, the third one said, "My old man said he's never, ever going to marry my mom."
Just then, the nun looked up from her food and said, "Would one of you bastards pass the salt, please."

Q: If Santa doesn't have to age, then why has he become old?
A: He only appears to be old. He's an undercover kid.
Q: How can a sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A: If you were being pulled by eight flying reindeer, wouldn't you fly too?
Q: Why do we wish people a "Merry Christmas" instead of a "Happy Christmas"?
A: The two are about the same, but with "Merry Christmas" an extra twinkle is seen in the eyes.
Q: Why is a Christmas tree that has been chopped down called a "live Christmas tree?"
A: It's dead but doesn't know it, and yet it's having the time of its life.
Q: Why do we wrap our Christmas gifts with paper?
A: Because we like to see surprise and joy (real or kindly faked) in the recipients.
Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Nowadays, only four angels can dance there. Formerly there was no limit, but OSHA passed the Angel Safety Law recently, which also requires that the more...

A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself, "I`m a fire chief, I`m not going to wait in line." He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in. I`m a fire chief." The angels replied, "You`ll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir." While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF". The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels. He asked, "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?" To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. That`s God, he just thinks he`s a Fire Chief."