Amused Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How do you keep a blonde amused?
A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to
go pee in a corner.

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!" "How does he drive you crazy?" "For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."
The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?" "He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!" "Hmm, anything else?" probes the counselor further. The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"
"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now." So the wife goes out of more...

Man walks up to a farmers house, knocks on the door. When a woman opened the door, the man ask if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, again, asked the same question. Again, not amused, she screamed get the hell away. Later, she told her husband of the incident. he said he would stay home the following day just in case.

Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while the lady answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex, she said yes. The man replied, great, give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife.

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. Then she
noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on
account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more
amused.
She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She
had him arrested. Then the case came before the court, the young man was
asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was:When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she
was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon:
The Gold Dust Twins".
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which
read: "William's Stick Did The Trick".
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she
sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have
prevented this accident."
The case was dismissed.

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was as asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."
He won the case.

A young 6-month pregnant lady boarded a bus and took a seat. She noticed a young man smiling at her and got humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth
move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in such a manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I
couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read, 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.'
Then she moved under one that read, 'Sloans Liniments Remove Swelling.'
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read, 'William's Stick Did The Trick.'
I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read, 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'"
He won the case.

This is from an actual trial in the UK: A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing.... She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant..
She sat under an advertisement, which read:' Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:' William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:' Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed.........!!!!!!!!