American Jokes / Recent Jokes

You Know You're From Canada When...
1.) You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."
2.) You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
3.) You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
4.) You drink pop, not soda.
5.) You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.
6.) You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.
7.) You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
8.) You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
9.) You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
10.) You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
11.) You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
12.) You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.
13.) You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
14.) You know more...

Striking up a conversation with the attractive woman seated beside him on a
coast-to-coast flight, a would-be Romeo asked, "What kind of man are you
attracted to?"
"I've always been drawn to Native American men," she replied. "They're in
harmony with nature."
"I see," said the man, nodding.
"But, then, I really go for Jewish men who put women on a pedestal, and I can
rarely resist the way Southern gentlemen treat their ladies with respect."
"Please allow me to introduce myself," said the man. "My name is Tecumseh
Goldstein, but all my friends call me Bubba."

An Englishman, American, and Irishman, all walk into a bar and order a beer. The bartender hands them there beer, however there are flies in each mug of beer. Well the Englishman pushes the beer aside and says, "That's disgusting." The American pulls the fly out and starts drinking the beer. The Irishman pulls the fly out, sets it out the counter and shouts, "SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD

It was the first day of school and a new student named Toshiba, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered fourth grade.
After greeting the class, the teacher said, "We'll begin by reviewing some American history. Who was it that said, 'Give me Liberty, or give me death'?"
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. "That was Patrick Henry, 1775," the boy said.
"Now," said the teacher, ""who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth'?"
Again, Toshiba was the only student to respond. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," he said.
The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."
Turning to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper, "Damned Japanese."
"Who said that?" demanded the teacher.
Toshiba more...

New from the Franklin Mint: American Coins of the 1970's.
Over ten million US Coins were minted in the 1970's and now,
through the Franklin Mint, you can collect them all.
Each coin has been crafted in a genuine American mint. Note
the stunning clarity of the ridges on the side of the Washington
quarter, the intricate lettering on the Roosevelt dime, and the
crystal clear appearance of Lincoln's beard on the penny.
Every month, a set of six coins will be sent to you. Each
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to last for thousands of years to come. You may elect to
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The 1970's are since gone, but American Coins of the 1970's
will be treasured for years to come. This offer is available
for a limited time, so order your set now!
Operators are standing by at 1-800-555-1212. Call now!

There was an American on a buisness trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat.So he said to the lady, "Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat."Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, "You rude American! My little poodles needs somewhere to be!"So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. "Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?"Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, "You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodles!"So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, "Move your mutt lady!" The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child.Finally he'd more...

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said,' We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"