Altitude Jokes / Recent Jokes

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced:
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
4. "There may more...

An air freight flight flying across the Pacific to Australia was also carrying five passengers; an American, A Frenchman, a German, an Englishman, and an Irishman. They'd almost reached their destination near Australia, when one of the plane's four engines caught on fire. "Don't worry!" said the pilot, as he activated the fire extinguishers and feathered the prop, "this plane was designed to fly on just two engines. We'll be fine!"

A little while later, an engine on the other wing coughed and sputtered and stopped. The plane appeared to be slowly losing altitude when the pilot came on the intercom and said: "don't worry men, this plane can still fly on two engines, but we're going to have to lighten the load."

The copilot came back into the cabin and opened a rear door. He then directed the five men in helping to jettison the crates that the plane was carrying. Once all the crates were out, he secured the door and went back to the more...

One sunny afternoon, three men go for a ride on a hot air balloon over the Sahara desert. An hour into the trip, the balloon begins to lose altitude. A month later, someone finds one of the ballooners laying on the desert sand dead, naked, and holding half a toothpick. What happened to him?
Answer: As the balloon lost altitude, the men took of their clothes and threw them overboard to decrease the weight of the balloon. The balloon continued to drop so the men drew straws to see who would be forced to jump. The dead man in the desert drew the shortest one (the half toothpick).

There are four guys on a plane, an Englishman, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and a Texan. The pilot comes out and says WE ARE LOSING ALTITUDE, THROW OUT YOUR LUGGAGE!!! So they throw out their luggage.
A few minutes later, he comes out again, and says WE ARE STILL LOSING ALTITUDE, SOMEONE IS GONNA HAVE TO JUMP!!! So the Englishman volunteers. He walks up to the door, yells LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!!! and jumps out.
A few minutes later, he comes out again, and says WE ARE STILL LOSING ALTITUDE, SOMEONE ELSE IS GONNA HAVE TO JUMP!!! So the Frenchman volunteers. He walks up to the door, yells VIVA LE FRANCE!!! and jumps out.
A few minutes later, he comes out again, and says WE ARE STILL LOSING ALTITUDE, SOMEONE ELSE IS GONNA HAVE TO JUMP!!! So the Texan volunteers. He walks up to the door, yells REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!! and throws out the Mexican!!!