Alone Jokes / Recent Jokes
I only have one buddy!!!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
One more than I wanted.
Ever just want to be left alone?
If I die alone...
I'll be soooooooooooooooooo happy!!!
That last cut was the deepest!
And the last.
Man cannot live by bread alone. He also needs a roll of duct tape and a can of WD-40.
'Twas the night before Christmas,
Yet he slept all alone.
In a one-bedroom house,
Made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney
With presents to give,
And to see just what man
In this small house did live.
I looked all about,
What a strange site to see.
No tinsel, no presents,
Not even a tree.
No stockings by the fire,
Just boots spit shined bright.
Then something else gleamed,
Reflecting the moonlight.
They were medals and badges,
Awards of all kinds.
And a sobering thought
Soon came to my mind.
For this house was different,
Unlike any I'd topped.
This was the home of an officer,
The home of a cop.
I'd heard stories about "them",
And I had to see more.
So I walked down the hall,
And pushed open the door.
And there he lay sleeping,
Silent and alone.
Curled up on his bed,
In this one-bedroom home.
He seemed so gentle,
His face weathered more...
A priest and a nun were traveling through the desert when there camel died
suddenly.
Alone and in the middle of nowhere they decided to sit and wait
for help to come.
During the night they talked about stories of there life
and what they had and hadn't done with their life. It is then that the
preist asks the nun if she has ever had sex the nun replies "no". So the
preist brings up the suggestion that since they are alone and in the middle
of nowhere and could possibly die that perhaps they should try it.
Upon
agreement the Priest flops out his pecker and says to the nun "This is the
staff of life, it brings life to the dead".
In response the nun
replies, "good go screw that dead camel so we can get the hell out of here."
As a mother was walking past her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from the room. Quietly opening the door, she saw her daughter going to town with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What on earth are you doing?"
"Mother, I'm thirty-seven years old, unmarried, and this thing is as close as I'm ever going to get to a husband. Now please, just go away and leave me alone," the daughter said.
The following day, the girl's father heard the same buzzing noise coming from the other side of her closed bedroom door. Slowly opening the door, he saw his daughter giving herself a real workout with the vibrator. Taken aback, he asked her what she was doing.
"Dad, I'm thirty-seven years old, unmarried, and this thing is as close as I'm ever going to get to a husband. Now please, just go away and leave me alone," she groaned.
Several days later, the mother came home from a shopping trip and heard that same buzzing more...
The famous question... "Why did the chicken cross the road ?" when put
before a few Indians... this is what they had to say...
"Why did the chicken cross the road ?"
Azhar:-
"I am totally innocent, you know, I am unnecessarily being dragged into
this, you know... I neither know the chicken nor the road, you
now...."
Devegowda:-
"zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... mmmm...mm... chicken ??? Thanks, I'll have it later
!!... mm... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
Laloo:-
"The fact, that the chicken crossed the road, means that, there is one
chicken missing from my poultry !!!"
George Fernandes:-
"I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean
years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car leave alone a
chicken !!!"
Mulayam:-
"I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class,! so that
they can cross the road freely without their motives being more...