Alone Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of one of those girls you see advertised in phone boxes when you're calling for a cab. He popped into a phone box near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her..... you know the kind. He copied down the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, what the hell give her a call?
"Hello?" the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky, the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in more...
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the
receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will
prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my
life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it
be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went
to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and
the will.
The lawyer's first question was,
"Would you please tell me what
you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed
under your will?"
She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here,
I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."
"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 more...
Sex alone is not enough to build a relationship, but with two people...
Bridegroom: "Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a month now. We've been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isn't it time we were alone?"
Bride: "But darling, we are alone, aren't we?" Bridegrom: "What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here?" Bride: "MY mother! I thought she was YOUR mother!!!"
Bridegroom: "Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a month now. We've been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isn't it time we were alone?"Bride: "But darling, we are alone, aren't we?" Bridegrom: "What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here?" Bride: "MY mother! I thought she was YOUR mother!!!"
3-year-old Lateef Wise, Philadelphia, PA, was left home alone last week. At about 9:30 a.m., the frightened and crying boy pushed out the screen of an open window. Then he fell from the apartment, bounced off an air conditioner protruding from a second floor window and landed on a narrow amazingly got up, began to cry and started strip of grass. After hitting the ground Lateef walking around. Lateef was later released from a local hospital with just a minor larceration. The boy was left home alone due to a miscommunication between the parents.
1. Cats do what they want, when they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They're moody.
9. They leave their hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts.
Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats