Agnostic Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?
    A: He lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

    Do paranoid schizophrenic agnostic dyslexic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if they might be the dog that's out to get them?

    I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing.

    A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.

    Definition of Atheism: a non-prophet organization.

    Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.

    Why settle for the lesser of two evils?

    Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic...

    Here's to the sun God, He sure is a fun God, Ra, Ra, Ra

    Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? - Jules Feiffer

    A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

    As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

    In the beginning, God created the Baptists. And the Baptists looked at themselves and said, "We good." And God saw it was too late.

    Televangelists: The Pro more...

    The priest was in a confessional when he heard someone entering the other side. He slid back the screen, but the confessor was silent. The priest said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
    "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," said the penitent at last. "I'm a seventy-two year old man, and I'm dating a 21 year old with hige breasts!
    "That is not a sin," the priest assured him.
    "But I got her pregnant," said the old man.
    "I see," said the priest. "This is serious. Are you a good Catholic?"
    "Catholic? No, no. I'm agnostic," said the man
    "So why are you telling me all this?" asked the flustered priest.
    The agnostic said, "Well, I'm telling everyone. Wouldn't you?"

    With so much turmoil in the world, God decided to pay a visit to earth to check things out. He strolled into a bar and approached the first man he saw. "If you believe in me enough to give me $50," he said, "I will grant you eternal life."
    "Sorry, I'm an atheist," the fellow replied, "and have never believed in God."
    God walked up to another man and made the same offer. "Well, I'm an agnostic and not really sure if I believe in you or not," the guy said, "but here's 50 bucks, just in case."
    As the Lord turned away, a third man ran up to him. "I'm Pat Robertson and don't really care if you're God or not," he said excitedly. "Just teach me the trick you did with the agnostic and I'll give you $100."

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