Affairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer Pharmacuticals is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society. According to company spokesman, Peter Riser, the following drugs are under testing now:DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of0.2 percent.PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little" accidents.COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men more...

President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton".
"What bad things did you do on Earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had some affairs, but you couldn't hold that against me because no one called them affairs! And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' Don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering but don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

Q: What's worse than a democratic president running foreign affairs?
A: Two democratic president's running foreign affairs.

Clinton and Gore: They have what it takes to take what you`ve got!

"Carter is no longer the worst U. S. President"

"I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated."

Thank you, Bill Clinton, for costing me my job. I will repay you in 1996.

Hey Hillary! Shut-up and redecorate!

My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill.

It`s the spending stupid!

If Clinton was the answer, it must have been a real stupid question!

Clinton in 1996--NOT!!

I`m not Fonda Clinton

Rodhamhood: She steals from everyone to give to the government.

Bill Clinton is living proof why stupid people shouldn`t vote.

Voter: "The joke`s over, bring back Bush."

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.

When Clinton was asked what he more...

... and pledges not to move alone unless no one agrees with it
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do anyway.
"Prior to taking action against any enemy nation, such as Iraq, we will confer with our allies, as well as other countries in that region," pledged U.S. President George W. Bush. "We will sit down with them. We will begin by explaining what our position is, and then we will...
"... no, wait. That's everything."
The announcement seemingly failed to address unease among world leaders that without their consent, U.S. action against Iraq will lead them all into a wider conflict. Bush, however, said his administration was well aware of international concerns, and would handle them internally.
Except for effect, the administration said its new stance more...

President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.

"It`s me, Bill Clinton".

"What bad things did you do on Earth?"

Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn`t hold that against me because I didn`t inhale. I guess I had some affairs, but you couldn`t hold that against me because no one called them affairs! And I lied, but I didn`t commit perjury."

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here`s the deal. We`ll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won`t call it `Hell.` You`ll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won`t call it `eternity.` Don`t `abandon all hope` upon entering but don`t hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."

Did you hear about the doctor who had his license taken away because he was having affairs with his patients?
Yup, it's a shame because he was one of the top veterinarians in the country!