Act Jokes / Recent Jokes
On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It’s not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I’m in a bad mood? ” – Vanna White, “Wheel of Fortune” co-star
On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: “I’d rather not talk about money. It’s kind of gross. ” – Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces
On Disco Music, Importance of: “God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful. ” – Donna Summer, disco singer
On Giving It Your All: “I think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard. ” – New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why his team had lost an NBA contest
On Hostage-Taking, Fun For All: “[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality. ” – Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni more...
What sort of an act do you do? I bend over backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth. Anything else? Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth.
Gilchrist and Sangakkara
The ICC 2007 World Cup final between Sri Lanka and Australia is now history and another traingular series of matches coming ahead.
There has been loads of articles published, wide range of views expressed and many postmortems by various individuals, including past and present cricketers held.
I have been carefully reading all the stuff, including our own' on-the-spot' reports filed by veteran cricket writer Dr. Elmo Rodrigopulle, the only Sri Lankan English journalist to cover the entire tournament.
Whilst thinking of all those action paced episodes from the Caribbean for nearly two months, I had a dream.
Yes! That was a dream final.
Sri Lanka captain Mahela Jayawardena won the toss and elected to bat first in a final curtailed to 38 overs per side due to morning rain. Sri Lanka made a commanding total of 281 for 4 in their allocated 38 overs. The architect of the massive Lankan total was none other than wicket keeper batsman more...
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"
The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff
the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"
The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."
The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink' em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to.
The more...
A new two year degree is being offered at Life University... Becoming a Real Man! That's right, in just six terms, you too can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline: FIRST YEARAutumn ScheduleMEN 101... Combating StupidityMEN 102... You too can do houseworkMEN 103... PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shutMEN 104... We do not want sleazy underthings for ChristmasWinter ScheduleMEN 110... Wonderful Laundry TechniquesMEN 111... Understanding the female responses to getting in at 4 a. m. MEN 112... Parenting: It doesn't end with conceptionMEN 113... Get a life, learn to cookSpring ScheduleMEN 120... How NOT to act like an asshole when you're wrongMEN 121... Understanding your incompetenceMEN 122... You, the weaker sexMEN 123... Reasons to give flowersSECOND YEARAutumn ScheduleSEX 101... You CAN fall asleep without itSEX 102... Morning Dilemma: If it's awake, take a showerMEN 201... How to stay awake after sexMEN 202... How to put the toilet seat downWinter more...
Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.