Acceptance Jokes

I wrote this letter many years ago:
Pennsylvania State University Admissions
Address
Dear Sir,
I have received your acceptance for admission, and I regret
to inform you that I will not be attending your university in
coming years.
As a senior in high school, I have applied to many other fine
institutions to further my education. And, although yours
ranks high among them, I'm afraid that you failed to qualify.
Elimination under my system doesn't mean that you are not
qualified to educate other fine young men and women. It
merely reflects the high caliber of colleges and universities
competing for my acceptance.
My best wishes for your future.
Sincerely,
Brian Jay Gould

Yesterday Mariah Carey explained her long, rambling acceptance speech at the Palm Springs International Film Festival after being named Breakthrough Actress. She said that was the last time she would read an acceptance speech written for her by Joe Biden.

Kanye West called Taylor Swift to apologize for sabotaging her acceptance speech at the VMA's.
Taylor Swift tried to accept his apology but Kanye West interrupted to say that Barack Obama had the best apology acceptance this year when he accepted the apology made by Joe Wilson.
In fact, Kanye added Barack Obama had the best acceptance of an apology ever.

The Romantic Comedy. More about the new star of the Republican Party, Sarah Palin. What's up with barely mentioning George Bush? There may be some George Bush themes in McCain's Acceptance Speech.

AWARDS SHOW Hollywood's only way of getting a bunch of high-profile names into a cheap low-budget production.
HOST A person who can deliver a line. . . only if it's written by someone else. . . as long as it's written on a teleprompter.
TROPHY Symbolically, an achievement of excellence to an outstanding individual; functionally, a paperweight.
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH Here are the different types of acceptance speeches:
1. Yellow Pages Speech - The winner, who carries his speech in a briefcase, thanks everyone he has ever met, but gets booted off stage before getting through the "R" section.
2. The Sermon - Suddenly, the winner becomes spiritually enlightened and decides to spread the word of God. By the end of it, you think he's going to give you a toll-free number where you can call-in your donations.
3. Gettysburg Address - Winner talks about a political problem occurring in a country that he couldn't find on a map.