Above Jokes / Recent Jokes

33, Sussex
Middle sex
U. K.
The Advertiser
R. A. De Mel Mw.
Colombo-3.
Dear Madam
Post Of Trainee Lover In Your Heart
===================================
Being made to understand that there is a vacancy in your
heart as above, I am pleased to submit my application for the above
post.
I am Sinhalese, 22 Years of age. I eas educated in a leading
School in the City of Colombo. Whilst in school Ihave represented college
in the first eleven team in which I played Pocket Billiods, Marbles,
Bed rugger and swimming on the road. I have also been an active member
of the Women's interest in Men and the President of the Nude sex and Phonography
Club.
After my distinguied school career I have done a serious study on
INTERCOURSE. At present I am doing a course leading to the INTERNATIONALLY
recognised UNDER SKIRT ADVENTURE (U. S. A.)DIPLOMA IN WOMEN.
This also includes the following
1. more...

In the men's room at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "Think!"

The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "Thoap!"

Mac vs. Etch-a-Sketch: You Decide __________ ______ ________ ______' But that isn't a fair comparison. People ______ ______ like the Etch-A-Sketch.' o o _ _ _ _ _________ (__________ ________)_Roger Earl [^] roger_earl@outbound. wimsey. bc. ca [_] __________After admiring the above signature I thought I'd post a comparison, similar to the other great computer wars. Etch-A-Sketch Mac ClassicNo. of Colours 2 2Resolution ~2000*~2000 512 * 342No. of buttons 2 1Preemptive Multitasking Yes NoHardware line draw Yes NoPrice < $20 ~ $1000Power Consumption No YesLaptop Yes NoSlow Operating System No YesNon Volatile Memory Yes NoChoice of Coloured box Yes NoRobust design (shakeable) Yes NoAfter considering the above options, I decided to buy the Etch-A-Sketch. For all you die-hard Amiga fanatics out there rumour has it that theEtch-A-Sketch-Emulator is coming out for the Amiga, and will in factbe faster than the true E-A-S.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electricalmalfunction disabled all of aircraft's electronic navigation and communicationequipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine hisposition or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwrittedsign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I"? in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a largesign an held it in a building window. The sign said, "YOU ARE IN AHELICOPTER". The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steerto SEATAC ( Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU AREIN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me atechnically correct but more...

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a blood thirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces. The voice booms out again: "Okay. . . . NOW you're screwed."

STATE OF CALIFORNIADEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE 1700 "J" STREETSACRAMENTO, CA 95368PETE WILSON HARRY WALBRATHGOVERNOR DIRECTORBULLETIN NUMBER 95-2374DATE: OCTOBER 20, 1995TO: ALL CALIFORNIA INSURANCE AGENCIESALL CALIFORNIA DEALERS OF NEW/USED AUTOMOBILESFROM: CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCESUBJ: AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE HEADLAMP DIMMER SWITCH1. Pursuant to the California Department of Motor Vehicles Act Number DMV 95-79221, all motor vehicles sold in the State of California after November 1, 1995 will be required to have the headlamp dimmer switch mounted on the floor of the vehicle. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid any inadvertent operation and/or pedal confusion. 2. Included in the above act, and beginning January 1, 1996 all other vehicles with steering mounted switches must be retrofitted with a floor mounted dimmer switch of more...

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I`m sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren`t ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."
"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"
"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.
"I`d like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.
"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You`ll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"