2001 Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Associated Press: "A man shouting "freedom and liberty for all" set himself on fire in a suburban shopping mall Friday and hurled flaming objects at shoppers..."
- Friday, November 23, 2001
You warned them you'd do it if they opened up a sixth Starbucks.
Line for Santa is like two hours long.
"Chilly."
Been searching for 45 minutes for your car in the garage and you just don't know where the hell it is.
Compared to walking around while your wife looks at cups for another hour, it's bliss.
Can't find a chair.
Want to prove to your idiot friend that the combo fire extinguisher / martini mixer for sale in that stupid gadget store simply won't work.
You just lifted four CD's from Coconuts and you sense mall security closing in - and those bastards won't take you alive.
It was either that or let them force you to eat one of them disgusting Cinnabons.
Swallowed all bin Laden's crap about them 82 virgins.
You more...

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000." "That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure" replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!" Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show more...

Because 24 hours isnt enough, the Emergency Nurses Association is proud to announce that we have officially extended Emergency Nurses Day on October 10, 2001 to an entire week-October 7 - 13, 2001.
MEMO TO ALL EMS PERSONNEL
To: All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions
It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.
Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC more...

"Anyway, I`m so thankful, and so gracious - I`m gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well." -George W. Bush, June 4, 2001 "It`s important for young men and women who look at the Nebraska champs to understand that quality of life is more than just blocking shots." -George W. Bush, in remarks to the University of Nebraska women`s volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, May 31, 2001 "So on behalf of a well-oiled unit of people who came together to serve something greater than themselves, congratulations." -George W. Bush, in remarks to the University of Nebraska women`s volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, May 31, 2001 "If a person doesn`t have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all." -George W. Bush, May 22, 2001"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It`s more...

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500, 000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500, 000.""Thats a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?""Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?""Sure" replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "Thats a pretty nice car, alright!"Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the more...

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".
The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."
"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure" replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!"
Just then the light more...

A man goes out and buys the best car available in
the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the
best and most expensive car in the world, and it
runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and,
while doing so, stops for a red light.
An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years
old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface
of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got
there, sonny?".
The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost
$500,000."
"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked.
"Why does it cost so much?"
"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!"
states the cool dude proudly.
The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure" replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks
around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says
"That's a pretty more...