grad's Jokes


What's a footballer got when he can't fucking, cunting, bastard well score?
Torres Syndrome.

Mary offered to care for the eight-year-old daughter of neighbours who were going away for the weekend. On the Saturday morning, she made breakfast, laying a generous helping of bacon and eggs in front of the child. “Mummy always serves hot pancakes for breakfast,” said the eight-year-old.
So Mary, very eager to oblige, hurried into the kitchen and quickly prepared a plate of hot pancakes, which she laid in front of the girl. “No, thank you,” she said.
“But I thought you said your mother always has hot pancakes for breakfast!” said Mary in surprise.
“She does,” said the child. “But I don’t eat them!”

Waiter, waiter, will the pancakes be long?
No sir, round.

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

An Englishman, a Welshman and an American were having a drink. At first they talked about cars and farms, and true to form, the American had the swankiest car and the biggest farm. Then they got to talking about children’s names.

‘My son was born on St David’s Day’, remarked the Welshman, ‘So we christened him David.’
‘That’s a coincidence,’ stated the Englishman ‘My son was born on St George’s Day so we decided to call him George.’

‘That is remarkable indeed,’ piped up the American, ‘Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.’

Q : How do you come to own a small business?
A : Start a large business and put an UConn grad in charge of it.

A little boy and his mother were walking in a cemetery when they came
upon a headstone that read “Here lies an UConn graduate and an honest man.”
The little boy asked, “Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?”