"once went to the doctor due to stomach" joke
Chico once went to the doctor due to stomach trouble. The doctor prescribed plenty of milk and gave Chico a bottle of pills. "I`ll stop by this evening and see how you`re doing," the doctor said. "In the meantime, drink at least four glasses of milk. Milk is the ticket for curing your trouble. So drink plenty of it." That evening, the doctor returned, examined Chico and told him, "You`re much better this evening. Just be sure you don`t drink any milk. Not one glass. It`s not for you." "But, doctor," Chico exclaimed, "only this morning you told me that milk was what I needed and that I should drink four glasses of it." "Well, what do you know?" the doctor replied. "It certainly goes to show that we`ve made tremendous progress in medicine since the last time I saw you."
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man`s broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago..." "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I`d gone to bed, the farmer`s beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said no, everything is fine. `Are you sure?` she asked. `I`m sure,` I said. `Isn`t there anything I can do for you?` she wanted to know. `I reckon not` I replied. "Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
A man swallowed a mouse while sleeping on the couch one day. His wife quickly called the doctor and said, "Doctor, please come quickly. My husband just swallowed a mouse and he`s gagging and thrashing about." "I`ll be right over," the doctor said. "In the meantime, keep waving a piece of cheese over his mouth to try to attract the mouse up and out of there." When the doctor arrived, he saw the wife waving a piece of fish over her husband`s mouth. "Uhh, I told you to use cheese, not fish, to lure the mouse." "I know, doc," she replied, "but first I`ve got to get the darn cat out of him."
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let`s see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it`s absolutely necessary. And don`t even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I`m going to live longer this way?" "I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!"
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