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to: ALL staff
from: Office of Superintendant
re: "Teacher In Service Training" schedule (TITS)
In accordance with recent changes in the State Education Law, our district is now required to supply bigger and better TITS for each employee.
We are therefore, pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High Intensity Training program (SHIT). It is our intention to give each member of the staff as much SHIT as possible. Advancement, salary increases and job changes will be dependent on the amount of SHIT you have taken.
Employees who feel they have taken as much SHIT as they can may apply to the School Council for Review of Educational Welfare (SCREW).
All employees are expected to be SCREW'd at least annually.
If you have taken SHIT and have been SCREW'd within the past academic year, you will be eligible to receive a Self Help Award for Teachers (SHAFT). Any employee who has been given the SHAFT will not be expected to take as much SHIT the following year.
The only exception to this regulation are those teachers who have Bilingual Activities in Language, Literature and Science (BALLS).
Teachers with enough BALLS may avoid being SCREW'd annually. Teachers in this category are eligible for courses offered by the Boston University Local Language program (BULL).
Approval for BULL SHIT courses must be obtained from the Superintendent's Office-Business (SOB). Only the SOB can determine how much SHIT an employee must take before being SCREW'd.
Those teachers who have taken enough SHIT courses, have SCREW'd and given the SHAFT are eligible for the Regional Educational Division (RED) Award for Superior Service (ASS).
Only teachers with RED ASS will be considered for administrative positions, and entitled to give more SHIT than they take.

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
say a word...
he more...


"How I Met Your Mother", is the story Chuck Norris tells to everybody.


Once Chuck Norris had a boner.
Their were no survivors


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A: One, but don't expect results.

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A: None, they like Danzig in the dark.

Q: How many Mafia more...


Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

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