"Woman / Man - a chemical analysis" joke
MATERIAL SAFETY - DATA SHEET
"W O M A N" - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo2
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 118 lb but known to vary from 100 to 500lb
OCCURENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas & trace elements in most others.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface is usually covered in a powder or painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, Freezes for no reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied gently to selected points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has a great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and most precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without warning for no reason.
4. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.
5. Activity greatly increases with saturation in alcohol.
6. Most Powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental - especially in sports cars.
2. Can be great aid to relaxation.
TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when discovered in its natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Possession of more than one is considered illegal.
***
"M A N" - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Element: Man
Symbol: XY
Atomic Mass: 180 lb +/- 100 lb
Common Name: Varies anywhere from John to !@#&"!
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Solid at room temperature but easily gets bent out of shape.
2. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.
3. Difficult to find a pure sample.
4. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young, fresh samples.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Attempts to bond with Wo2 any chance it can get.
2. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself.
3. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd5 (element kid) for a
prolonged
period of time.
4. Pretty basic.
5. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
USAGE:
1. None really, except methane production.
2. Good samples are able to produces large quantities on command.
CAUTION:
1. In the absence of Wo2, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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