Physical Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Terminology:
    Shotgun - The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat, and also because of the psychological advantage of not being forced to subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip.
    Enthronement - The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun position.
    By Laws:
    Vehicle Ownership
    The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn't driving, always gets Shotgun in that vehicle. It is their car, it is their seat and they get it. This is a real bonus for an owner who is falling down drunk. They can rest assured Shotgun is rightfully theirs. They won't have to worry about concentrating through an alcohol-induced haze simply to remember to call Shotgun in their own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun "enthronement" rights have been established, they may also be surrendered. If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but wants to sleep it off in the back more...

    MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials Information
    System
    Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115
    lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Large
    quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
    PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Surface Tension-soft and warm.
    2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
    3. Boils at nothing.
    4. Freezes without reason.
    5. Melts with special reason.
    6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
    7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common
    ore.
    8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.
    9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
    10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to
    reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
    CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.
    2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive more...

    Element name: WOMAN.
    Symbol: WO.
    Atomic weight:' Don't even go there'.
    Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
    Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns
    slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
    Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
    Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

    Element: MAN.
    Symbol: XY.
    Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).
    Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity more...

    The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers.
    “I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle, ” he explained. “Now begin! ”
    After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.
    “Why did you stop. Smith? ” demanded the officer.
    “If you please, sir, ” said Smith, “I’m freewheeling for a while. ”

    The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers.

    "I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle," he explained. "Now begin!"

    After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.

    "Why did you stop. Smith?" demanded the officer.

    "If you please, sir," said Smith, "I'm freewheeling for a while."

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