"What's wrong?!" joke

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

Cinderella, Superman and Pinocchio die and go to heaven. On their way they talk:
Cinderella: "I want to be remembered as the most beautiful girl in the world"
Superman: "I want to be remembered as the strongest person in the world"
Pinocchio: more...

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You mamma is soo fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

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My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

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Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!

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Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

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