"What A Difference 41 Years Make..." joke

1970: Wore long hair
2011: Longing for hair
1970: Sitting around thinking of the perfect high.
2011: Sitting around thinking of the perfect high yield mutual fund.
1970: Finding a friend to split the price of a keg.
2011: Finding a friend to take me to have an EKG.
1970: Sitting through sessions of Acid Rock.
2011: Sitting through sessions of Acid Reflux.
1970: Thinking of moving to a real kool place.
2011: Thinking of moving to a real warm place.
1970: News stories of people growing pot.
2011: The reality of growing a pot belly.
1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with my mother and sister.
2011: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with my grown children.
1970: Trying to look like Richard Rountree or Ron O'Neal.
2011: Trying NOT to look like Richard Rountree or Ron O'Neal.
1970: Chewing on seeds and stems.
2011: Chewing on lots of roughage.
1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
2011: Popping joints, needing those pills.
1970: Noting our president's struggle with Fidel.
2011: Noting our president's struggle with fidelity.
1970: Admiring JACK PAAR.
2011: Joining AARP
1970: Avoiding Killer weed.
2011: Avoiding Weed killer.
1970: Hoping to "get lucky" on a date.
2011: Hoping you won't catch anything from your "lucky" date.
1970: Reading about The Grateful Dead.
2011: Reading about Dr. Kevorkian.
1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
2011: Getting a new hip joint.
1970: Listening to the Rolling Stones.
2011: Struggling with kidney stones.
1970: Yelling, "Screw the system!"
2011: Reminding yourself to, "Upgrade the stupid system!"
1970: Throwing the Peace sign.
2011: Watching the Mercedes logo.
1970: Friends who wouldn't get their hair cut.
2011: Children begging to get their heads shaved.
1970: Talking to friends about taking acid.
2011: Talking to friends about taking antacid.
1970: Proud to be passing the driver's test.
2011: Barely passing the vision test.
1970: "Whatever" was a typical response.
2011: "That Depends" is the way to go.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes

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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

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A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..." The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so more...

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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

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As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most-his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you more...

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