"Weight Loss Program" joke

Hot 3 years agoby Tats

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 kilos that week.

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
say a word...
he more...

46
8

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

199
41

An old married couple were driving down the road one day when suddenly the woman punched her husband right in the face. He shouted, "what the hell was that for?". She replied, "That was for 50 years of the worst sex I ever had!" As they continued down the more...

17
6

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

371
193

One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best more...

82
19
Add a comment
remember me
follow replies
0
0
(0)
Kenneth Rojas:Someone's going to get a spanking and it might be you.
1
0
(0)
Joe:Wow, everything is on line..Heard this joke 40yrs ago, never thought I’d ever find it . I love it, I’m Italian...
1
0
(0)
Sir Builds Alot:Ouch!! Good one ;D
0
0
(0)
fred: that joke is old agnes brown show in ireland does that joke
0
0
(0)
Robert:Good hip replcement for a 56 year old male
0
0
(0)
young boy:yo mama so fat her picture fell of the wall while being held up by sixteen nails.
0
0
(0)
young boy:yo hair line be like help me please he wont cut me.
0
0
(0)
Nate:I'm sorry.
1
0
(1)
coco:33+10+5=48, what was his status kg b4 d program?
0
0
(0)
Anonym:or he could have stayed on the 5 k program until he caught her.
Show More Comments
Funny Joke? 245 vote(s). 79% are positive. 21 comment(s).