"Voodo dick" joke

A husband had to leave town on a buisness trip his wife was the flirtatious type so he thought about buying an infatable doll but that was too close to another man for him so he went to a adult toy store and talked to the old man behind the counter. The old man said well I really shouldnt show you this but ok....he bought out this box with all these stange looking symbols on it and inside lay a very ordinary looking dildo. The man was like
"That is like every other dildo in here."
The old man said well you have mot seen what it can do..he pointed to the door and said "voodo dick, the door" the dildo rose up out of the box shot towards the door and started banging the heck out of the keyhole, before it could split down the middle the old man said "voodo dick back to the box." the dildo stopped banging the keyhole and floted back to the box. The husband was so amazed he intantly offered the old man all his money and the old man accepted. He told the husband the intructions and the husband went home.
It was time to leave for his buisness trip and the husband told his wife..honey when you get really horny all you have to do is say voodo dick my p###y. so he left thinking everything was ok. Three days go by and his wife is really horny, she thinks of several men that can willingly satisfy her but she decides to give her husbands present a try, she whips it out and says "Voodo dick my p###y" and it thrust to her crotch and its like nothing she ever felt before..third orgasm she cant take anymore..she trys to remove the dildo but its stuck...she is trying to get dressed and is trembling from the vibrations she decides to drive herself to the hospital...on the way she has another orgasm and swerves off the road a cop sees her and pulls her over..he says mam may I see your drivers license and what have you been drinking. She says " Officer you really dont understand (still shaking from the dildo) theres a voodo dick and its stuck in my p###y
He says " ya right...voodo dick my ass."

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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You mamma is soo fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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