"Three Question Test" joke
A blonde appeared at the Pearly Gates seeking admission. The gate keeper said there was a test that had to be passed before continuing to paradise, and that the test consisted of three questions.
The blonde said, "Go ahead, ask the questions."
"O.K." said the angel. "For the first question, tell me which two days of the week begin with the letter T."
"That's easy", said the candidate for admission. "Today and Tomorrow."
"Hmmmm", said the angel. "Well I can't argue with that. Now for the second question, tell me how many seconds there are in a year."
"There are twelve", said the candidate.
"Twelve?!" exclaimed the angel. "How do you figure that?"
"Well, there's January second, February second, March second, etc."
"O.K." mused the angel. "For the third question, tell me God's first name."
"God's first name is Andy."
"Oh? What makes you say that?" asked the angel.
And the candidate replied, "It's right there in the song." (the candidate begins singing an excerpt from the hymn, "In The Garden")
"And He walks with me, And He talks with me, And He tells me I am His own..."
Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It’s the best fishing more...
all we need to do is put a flashlight to your hairline then we will get the batmat symbol
One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disneyland. When they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" they turned around and went home.
Two pollocks were walking in the woods when they came across a sheep with it's head stuck in a fence.
The one pulls down his pants & does the sheep.
Then he turns to his buddy and said, "Ok it's your turn."
So his buddy sticks his head in the fence.