"Three Question Test" joke

A blonde appeared at the Pearly Gates seeking admission. The gate keeper said there was a test that had to be passed before continuing to paradise, and that the test consisted of three questions.
The blonde said, "Go ahead, ask the questions."
"O.K." said the angel. "For the first question, tell me which two days of the week begin with the letter T."
"That's easy", said the candidate for admission. "Today and Tomorrow."
"Hmmmm", said the angel. "Well I can't argue with that. Now for the second question, tell me how many seconds there are in a year."
"There are twelve", said the candidate.
"Twelve?!" exclaimed the angel. "How do you figure that?"
"Well, there's January second, February second, March second, etc."
"O.K." mused the angel. "For the third question, tell me God's first name."
"God's first name is Andy."
"Oh? What makes you say that?" asked the angel.
And the candidate replied, "It's right there in the song." (the candidate begins singing an excerpt from the hymn, "In The Garden")
"And He walks with me, And He talks with me, And He tells me I am His own..."

A FRIEND OF MINE HAS AN 18 YEAR OLD SON NAMED LEROY. HE ATTENDS OAKLAND HIGH SCHOOL WHERE THEY TEACH EBONICS AS A SECOND LANGUAGE. LAST WEEK HE WAS GIVEN AN EASY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PUT EACH OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN A SENTENCE. THIS IS WHAT LEROY more...

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What is the difference between Northern and Southern racism?
A southern racist doesn't mind blacks living nearby, as long as they
don't get "uppity."
A northern racist doesn't mind blacks getting "uppity" as long as they
don't live close.

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THE ORIGINAL VERSIONThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper more...

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Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a more...

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A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride. His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him more...

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