"Some Warning Signs of Insanity" joke
Some Warning Signs of Insanity- You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.- You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.- Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.- You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.- You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.- You collect dead windowsill flies.- Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"- You like cats. Especially with mayo.- You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.- You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.- Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.- You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.- You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn.- Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.- Melba toast sexually excites you.- When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."- You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.- You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes.- Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia.- Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"- You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.- You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.- You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.- People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
Jimmy came up to his father one day and asked for a car. His father said, "Jimmy once your dick reaches your asshole, you can have a car." Two years later, Jimmy told his dad that his dick was able to reach his asshole. His father turned to him and said, "Well more...
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.