"Shane Warne and the Shoe Box" joke

Shane Warne and Simone had been married for more than 10 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that Shane had a secret shoe box under the bed.
When they first got married Shane said,"I am putting a shoe box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 10 years of marriage, Simone had never looked. However on the afternoon of their 10th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81, 874. 25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box she was doubly curious why there even was such a box with such contents.
That evening they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner Simone could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed saying "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in.
But now I need to know why do you keep 3 beer cans in the box?".
Shane thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. When we were to be married,' he said,' my granddad told me the secret of a happy marriage was to be faithful to you and keep away from other women.
He told me that if I ever got into a situation where I couldn’t avoid going out with another woman for no fault of mine, just do not get upset, I should just keep it to myself and have a quiet beer and keep the empty can as an apology for you and a reminder for not to repeat the mistake.
So, whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again. ’
Simone was shocked but said I am very disappointed and saddened by your behaviour. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not bad considering your problem." Shane thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.

Simone was so moved; she had to fight back her tears.
Only three empty beer cans were in the box. In spite of all the stories in press and gossip columns he had only been unfaithful to her only three times in all those years of living and loving.
She almost burst with happiness. A little while later Simone asked Shane,'Darling,' she said,' that explains the empty beer cans, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Well,' he said,' whenever the box filled up with empty beer cans I took them to the recycling centre and redeemed them for cash.'

2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...

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Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan make your garden grow better! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan disorderly again! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan buscuits in more...

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Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for more...

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What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.

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Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

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