"Patenting A Peach..." joke
A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says- "you can't patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!"And the farmer says, "Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!" So the patent officer takes a bite, and then- "oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like- blackberry pie!"And the farmer says "Yeah, and Do you like vanilla ice cream? Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side".So the patent officer does and he's like-"Man! that really does taste like vanilla ice cream! I can't believe it!"So then the farmer looks around a bit and lowers his voice almost to a whisper, and says: "Psst! Have you ever tasted pussy?" "Oh yeah, I've eaten plenty of pussy!" "And you like it, right?" "Yeah I LOVE the taste of pussy" says the patent officer, starting to get excited.The farmer says, "OK, then take a bite, right there" So the patent officer takes this HUGE bite, and then his eyes widen & he spits it out all over the place."Oh, Yuck! That tasted like SHIT!" & the farmer says "shoot,...I'm sorry- flip it over & try the other side!"
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia.
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they
would marry, he thought to more...